somnambulism

was fiddling through an old and dusty hard disk that i kept in my secret black metal locker, and managed to find some very old photos, writings and drawings that were saved close to 10 years ago, some of which looked really unfamiliar, so lost in time. old memories compressed in megabits, the amazing wonders of technology.

i read, and smiled embarrassingly at those writings filled with teenage angst, many with morbidity. identity crisis(es)?i guess that was the phase of growing up when i couldn't understand a gist of the meaning to life, couldn't comprehend the responsibilities that came with it, still awkwardly stuck in the cocoon of a child, prying out with difficulties to embrace the harsh world of adulthood. i must say, that even till now, i'm still unsure if i had entirely left that old, browned and dried up cocoon. if i hadn't, will i ever?

*angie is undergoing delivery as i wrote this*

anyway this was something quizzical that i wrote about dreams and sleep walking, accompanied with amateurish graphics that were somewhat dark and psychedelic. the entire layout looked tacky too:

why do people sleep walk? why do we dream? do those series of linked night terrors had any indications in our lives? do recurring dreams mean something too? Omen.

false awakening dreams. freaky experience. we thought we had woken up but in actual fact, we were fooled by our own minds. it all seemed too real to be fake. you thought you were really walking down a flight of stairs, but to realise that it was only a dream when the sudden jerk came along soon enough to really wake you up from the illusion.

sleep walking. running around the house. screaming and wailing for help from the hold of *something* that had been after you for years. no words could describe, no one had seen it except you. no one could understand the fear in you. walking into the household kitchen (filled with instruments of self-destruction), peeled the skin off the fresh cool pear with a fruit knife, putting it back in the fridge after the job, not realising anything at all. *who's pear ah?* after seeing it lying in the fridge for days, all yellowed and dried.

lucid dreams. clear events running in the brain when one's deep in sleep. weird happenings, unknown people, queer situations. it all seemed so real too. i would record some of the vivid dreams that i had the moment i wake up. scribble the details in a notepad. 'coz i know in no time, i'll forget every single shit. i want them to be remembered. especially dreams that seemed so clear, lucid.

was that a dream long time ago? deja vu. i guess this should sound familiar to most of us. realising the familiarity of certain events or actions at the point of time. *have i seen this before?* *eh? look so familiar* were these what we had anticipated in our dreams before it actually happened? i think maybe it's a split moment of travelling forward across the actual time zone and returning back to reallity at the next instant. interception of time zones and activities. curiosity is strong here. haven't got an explanation for myself regarding this yet.

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