marie krimas

i spent the entire last week of 2008 mostly alone, other than a couple of christmas get togethers that i had to attend. i felt that the closure was necessary, reflecting on the many events in 2008 (thanking God for the good and bad ones) and gearing up for the exciting plans for 2009. i don't want a hasty start, and also i'm never a believer of resolutions which are usually not kept.

one night, i took my phone and keys and went out for a breather. i walked aimlessly around my area and began to appreciate the serenity of it, many of my friends would describe it as ulu-ness. i saw a stone chair, and took a seat. my mind wondered about nothing in particular. a distance away, there was a wooden bench. and a middle aged guy was sitting there, smoking. he looked troubled, and chain smoked in the silence, staring at the sky, in deep thoughts. i stared at the same clear sky, and saw a distinctive dot of light which shone so brightly that i thought i could wish upon, only to realise at the next instant that it wasn't a star, but merely the satellite 'cos it wasn't twinkling.

the silence is so intense, so much so that my thoughts and his could almost be heard, other than the sound of cars passing by once a while. we were of close proximity, but seemed so far away in different worlds of our own. after staring at a point for too long, i stood up and walked back home. i past by him, he was still, smoking away. one of his hands rubbed his face as if to sober up and he continued to stare at the ground in silence.

i felt for him, and that made me felt even more helpless.

+++++++

old grandpa michael called.

"hello. fion?"
"yes uncle michael?"

*and there was a long pause*

"hello? uncle michael?"
"yes....fion, i am sick."
"how are you feeling? are you having a fever?"
"u know, i felt that the Lord has asked me to..."

*another long pause*

my lips pursed and my forehead crumpled into a worried frown. asked you to what? i don't want to hear what i don't want to know. my mind raced with thoughts of him weak and bed-ridden. i was angry with myself too for getting a little emotional, 'cos he was speaking really slowly.

"...asked me to help this china woman who is abused by her husband. i met her on the train and she showed me the wounds on her arm....."

feeling slightly relieved, i listened patiently to his story of the poor abused china woman. and realised that he only needed someone to hear him out.

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." psalm 147:3

"are you feeling ok now?"
"you know, i have not slept for 2 and a half days. the people who are taking care of me, set a curfew that i have to return home by 7.15pm. if not, they will lock the door and refuse me there after. i was late for the past 2 days and had to spend my nights at mcdonald's and i didn't sleep. i'm feeling dizzy now, i couldn't even put on my boots to go out."
"oh ok, why don't you take a rest now?"
"i have a request fion. can you help me to buy a box of brand's chicken essence? and i want you to accept my money for that help as i can't go out now."

he gave me his address which was just next to my block. i hurried to the provision shop and brisk walked back 'cos i didn't want him to stay up for too long. before i left home, my mind did doubt this old man, thinking that i could have possibly brought myself into a scam. but there's a voice in me that reassured me, telling me that he crossed my path so vividly for a special reason. and so i went out without weapons/items of self-defense with me.

i went up to his flat, and the scrawny poor man was already standing at his door waiting. i've not seen him smiled so broadly before. i passed the box of chicken essence through the gap of his gate and his right hand trembled to take out some money to pay me. i refused his money, cooking an excuse that i didn't have enough change. he spoke a little about the book that we're working on and said goodbye 'cos he was really too tired to hold a conversation. i said see you soon! and he chuckled as he closed the door.

i left for home. and sat at the same stone chair that i was at the other night. it was literally a stone chair. 'cos i was stoning away for a few minutes before i continued my walk back home.

"... who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion..." psalm 103:4

+++++++

my little cousin kristen drew a flower for me as a christmas gift. she made my day with a simple wish of "merry christmas" spelt as "marie krimas". it's amazing how a child's mind could flow innocently without boundaries and restrictions.

at times, i would prefer simple agenda-less conversations with kids. 'cos they're honest, so real and give you a break from the adult world which is filled with much deceptions and pretense.

these are some of the things i get from children that put smiles on my face:

sheryl choo: eeeee you are so smelly!
i was carrying little sheryl (3 years old) many years ago after eating fish porridge. she could smell the fishiness in my breath. it was embarrassingly funny.

glenda: haha! i touch your breast! i'm gonna tell mummy i touch your breast!
i was trying to keep gladys and glenda quiet at communion in church, but little glenda was so fidgety. she turned around suddenly and stretched out her hand to touch my chest area. i put my hand over her mouth to muffle her words cos someone (a guy) from the front bench actually turned around.
i was kinda paisey, but was smiling away too.

sheryl choo: it's my birthday! can u get me a dog???
me: do you know how expensive a dog is? do you know how to take care of it?
sheryl: i don't care! i want a dog for my birthday!
i realised there is no point reasoning out with this little girl.
me (out of frustration): ok! i'll pick up a wild and homeless dirty dog for you from the coffee shop downstairs!
thinking that she might be scared by the idea of a wild and homeless dirty dog, but i was wrong.
sheryl: ok! but make sure it's not too big ok?

-_-